I felt a shiver travel down the brinks of my spine. My bones rattled with every gust of wind. My teeth chattering in the darkness from the nervous sense I am getting for what is to scare me within the night. I inch closer to the door hoping for what is on the other side to be better then what awaits for me out here, in the dead of night. My bony fingers clasp the door handle; slowly turning it until the latch clicks exposing what is past the door. A flash of bright lights and music pounce towards my outer skeleton.
I try to refocus my head to hear hooting and hollering.
SURPRISE! yelled by ghouls and monsters of plenty.
“Happy Birthday Skeleton”, was plastered in vibrant hues on a blue banner up above my head.
What just happened? Have my friends planned a surprise party for me? How? When? Who?
My mind fills with confusion and an overwhelming feeling I can not explain; it was as if I had been electrocuted by defibrillators.
I have been revived from the dead, again.
My friends surround me with words that made me realize how much people care for me. Bones and all. Monsters kept on talking to me as I slowly made my way to the marvelous cake my friend, Drac, made for me. He made a three tier tower of heavenly chocolate, both of light and dark, smothered in a coat of fluffy cream icing. And to top it off, he placed a mini version of me in the form of rock candy.
As the night faded into dawn, people began to slowly leave to prevent them from becoming dust in the wind. One by one people left; once again I was alone in the dark, but this time was different, for I was alone knowing that I truly was not alone.
The sun has woken up from it’s slumber ready to start a new day, and I was ready for the surprises along the way.
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My Dear Elena Bear,
Wow! It’s been such a long time since I’ve read your writing, and I cannot believe how much you’ve discovered and developed. This little story was amazing; I especially loved the specific details you included, particularly the first couple of sentences. It is very evident that you have created a cohesive blog which works to create an atmosphere of childlike wonder and happiness; I’ve been inspired by your ability to keep everything knit together and this certainly did make me smile!
Since this piece was so great on its own I really don’t have much improvements or suggestions. However, somethings you can consider are sentence phrasings. For an example, when I read out loud the third and fourth sentences, it didn’t flow well; this can be easily fixed with just a couple of rearrangements. If you do have time, something else you can do is add more content just so the story gets even more exciting and you can fully develop your characters. These are just suggestions that popped in mind when I read your piece; by no means do you have to agree!! =)
I am so grateful I thought to stop and look through your blog. What I found was truly amazing and I can’t wait to read more from you.
With Lots of Love,
Hefsi
Dear Hefsi,
Thank you so much for stopping by and taking the time to read my work. I am glad you enjoyed this piece and I appreciate that you have seen a growth in my writing. For the feedback I didn’t notice that the wording was off so I am glad you pointed it out so I can be aware of it next time.
Thank you again for reading my piece and taking the time to leave a comment and feedback.
Love,
Elena
Dear Elena,
I absolutely love this piece that you have created. It has a spooky and eerie vibe that I am here for. The mix of ghost and human is beautiful. I absolutely loved: “My mind fills with confusion and an overwhelming feeling I can not explain; it was as if I had been electrocuted by defibrillators.” The figurative language was lovely.
I am not too sure if the end is for the reader to decide and to reflect on, but I felt that it was a bit abrupt.
Wonderful work!
Sincerely,
Tina
Dear Tina,
Thank you for reading my piece. I am glad you enjoyed the theme and idea behind what I was writing. The feedback is greatly appreciated and I will take in account for when I am trying to write an ending. By any chance would you have any ideas on how it should have ended?
Thank you again for reading my piece and providing me with comments and feedback.
Sincerely,
Elena