We were on a treacherous journey to the edge of the world to find mysterious creatures and new land,
I am honored to say we…
have…
found…
nothing.
My crew and I have been travelling the ocean for days, or months, I can’t really tell anymore. We are running low on food, supplies and worst of all, RUM! We are slowly going mad and I am afraid that a mutiny may raise against the captain, which is me.
As the sun rises and sets each day we are getting closer to encounter anything that could be extraordinary, but instead we are just floating in the middle of nowhere surrounded but water.
BANG, the ship rocks vigorously, BANG, again against the ship.
My crew stumbles on deck while I try to stable out the vessel and search for the epicenter of the crashing. One of the cabin boys yells “over here sir!” as he points towards the starboard side of the boat. Everyone rushes over in that direction as I hear gasps and chatter.
“Move out of the way let the captain see!” says the co-captain.
As I peer over the ledge, I see the water below bubbling and foaming up as if something big was stirring the water like a pot of soup. The water starts to rise closer to the rail. Than SPLASH, a giant kraken bursts out of the water sending my ship and crew bouncing upon the water like a rock skipping on a lake. Flying through the air, rebounding off the waves we scramble on deck to try and stop the ship from going astray from our destination.
Coming to a choppy halt I heard the golden words from one of the crew members,”I found more rum!”. We cheered and celebrated; the cabin boy from the crows-nest hollered the words we all have been waiting for from the start, “Land ho!”.
My crew and I have traveled the 7 seas, encounter storms and mythical sea creatures, and lost some essentials, but I want to exclaim that,
We…
Have…
Found…
Land.
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Dear Elena,
This was an amazing piece, I loved your voice in it, I could really hear it and it was very clear what the captain was thinking. The captain really seems to have their priorities straight.
For any advise I would give for this piece, would be to add to description, some motivation, maybe something more from the crew, or the captian. Like where exactly on the ship were they? What were they doing? Another thing would be that last few paragraphs it was really unclear about what was going on there and didn’t connect with the rest.
Either way I liked this piece it had great voice and it was a great style of writing as well.
Sincerely,
Iqra
Dear Iqra,
Thank you for reading this story of mine. I appreciate your comment and I am happy that you liked my voice within it. For the feedback I defiantly will use more details in my future work, because I tend to think that there is enough details, but end up not putting enough.
Thank you again for taking the time to read and leave a comment on this piece.
Sincerely,
Elena