There is a weird warm sensation that is surrounding my body as I lay here in this room of uncertainty. This room is as dark as a rat infested cave, but as warm as a fresh cup of hot chocolate. I am alone, for I think. Suddenly, I hear the whispers of someone near by. Their whispers got loader as the door flies open as light enters the room, blinding me with fluorescent beams. As my eyes began to focus my body goes limp, I am moving; I feel a tight squeeze around my torso. The light and the noise amplify as my body begins to be lifted from my once peaceful location. As I am being ascended into the air, the motion stops. I start to feel a petting motion starting from my head to mid-back.
Why does this feel relaxing?
I then begin to have a shortness of breath as the petting descends and I am then trapped between two things that I believe they call, hands. The mobility in my neck is slim but I am able to shift my eyes towards the front of the room; we are heading in that direction.
What does this creature want with me?
What are they going to do with me? Am I in danger? What torture will I be having to face?
Five more steps. Three more. Two. One. Stop.
They place me down into a contraption that I am scared for what is to come next. They then place a odd piece of clothing upon my head creating a shade for my face. Then out of nowhere, there was a pink/white, flowered covered, circle thing with a handle like thing protruding out of the side of it. Glancing up and across from me sat the creature that has been with me since my life flashed before my eyes. They look very odd: hair sticking out of their head, a pointy feature in the middle of their face, white pearls glued to the inside of their mouth (they look scary).
They start to speak but I was having trouble hearing them, which lead me to check my ears; however, I was unable to move. I watch the creature move the strange circle thing towards their mouth so I try to copy them to fight in, but again I could not move.
I start to panic.
Why can’t I move? Have I never been able to move?
This lead me to look at my skin. It looks unusual for skin. It is almost as if it is, soft, like a big white cloud. I take a better look and I have a lot of hair, wait, that is not hair… IT IS FUR!
Did this creature add fur to my entire body? Wait why are my ears not like theirs? Why are mine at the top of my head?
This does not seem right. I have somehow changed, or have I always been like this.
This creature is coming towards me. They have picked me up, and once again my body is limp. I can hear them better. Can they tell me what happened to me.
“Mommy I love my new stuffed bear, she is so soft!”
I’M A STUFFED ANIMAL!
She continues to carry me but I am in too much shock to focus on the destination. The room starts to get quiet once again, too quiet. I no longer feel the tight squeeze around my torso nor do I feel as limp. I look up and there stood the human that once grasped my body; she slowly closes the door. I start to feel that warm sensation again as the door closes, leaving me in the pitch darkness alone, for I think.
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Dear Elena,
I really enjoyed this piece! I loved the specific, clear and powerful details throughout! Moreover, your writer voice was truly powerful, and captured my attention from the very beginning! I specifically loved the line, “As my eyes began to focus my body goes limp, I am moving; I feel a tight squeeze around my torso.”, with such visual and illustrative details.
For improvement, all I can think of is to maybe change your begining sentance to something more eye-catching, for example, rewording the first sentance to say, “As I lay here in this room of uncertainty, there is a weird warm sensation that is surrounding my body.” This would add more of a hook to your writing and draw the reader in even further!
Elena, I loved the ideas and concepts behind this piece, it was truly original and beautifully writen, with an extremely powerful voice where I could almost hear you reading it to me! Can’t wait to read more pieces!
From,
Alyna <3
Dear Alyna,
I am so happy that you enjoyed my story and took the time to read it.
For my beginning I did have troubles with finding a way to hook the reader so I truly appreciate your feedback.
Thanks again for taking time out of your day to read my story and leaving a wonderful comment.
Love,
Elena:)